A watchman in Springfield
by Charafi
Summary: Sequel to Watchkids crossover Simpsons / Watchmen SPOILER IN THE SUMMARY IF YOU HAVEN'T READ WATCHKIDS YET, When Bart is send back to Springfield by Manhattan after Ralph had sent him into Watchmen's universe, he brings a crazy vigilante with him
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: The same as usual: I don't own Watchmen or The Simpsons, these fictional works are the properties of Alan Moore and Matt Groening and I don't get paid for this unfortunately.**

**Hello, this is a sequel to _Watchkids_, remember Bart ends up in the Watchmen world, nearly at the end of the movie, cause he ends up in the movie version, wanna know what happens next ?**

**I advise you to read _Watchkids_ before this fic, it's a oneshot so don't worry it will not take you a long time.**

**Any constructive review is welcome but I already thank you for reading it.**

**Chapter 1:**

**Karnak, Antarctica**

RORSCHACH: Do it !

BART: Aaaah !

Bart falls right between Manhattan and Rorschach just when Manhattan was about to disintegrate Rorschach.

Both of them look at him surprised. Nite Owl, who's just arrived, is stunned too.

NITE OWL: What the hell is that kid doing here ?

Rorschach and Doc both shrug.

BART: Rorschach ? Cool ! Wait, this is the moment he's about to get killed ! Sure, all the blood was cool but it sucks he died.

He clings to Rorschach's legs, which makes the vigilante feel pretty embarrassed.

MANHATTAN: Child, move away from him.

BART: No ! He can't die, he's the coolest character !

RORSCHACH: You can't kill the kid, Manhattan.

MANHATTAN: But I can't let you go. Child, for the last time, move away from him.

LAURIE (arrives): Jon ! Don't tell me you were about to blow up a kid ! … who's wearing a kid-sized version of Rorschach's suit ? Weird, it almost looks cute on a kid.

Rorschach looking even more embarrassed at the word "cute".

OZYMANDIAS: Jon, you haven't disintegrated him yet ? What's this kid doing here ? Kid-versions of the watchmen's costumes ? That would be a good idea... Now move away kiddo, I promise you we won't hurt the man...

BART: What do you think ? That I'm deaf and stupid ? Eat my shorts !

OZYMANDIAS: That's it, I asked you kindly, now (he bent towards Bart in a threatening way) you leave me no choice...

RORSCHACH: Veidt, don't approach the kid...

Nite Owl is quicker than Rorschach to react and gives Ozymandias a punch.

NITE OWL: You bastard ! First, you kill the Comedian, then you destroy the biggest cities in the world, you tries to kill my friend and now a kid !

BART: Yeah ! Go Nite Owl !

But Ozymandias picks himself up and wards off all the following punches of Nite Owl, he finally pushes him away and Laurie walks towards Dan to check if he's okay.

RORSCHACH: Got to help Daniel... Will you release me ?

Indeed, Rorschach can't move since Bart he's still clung to him.

BART (teeth chattering): I... I...w...would like to but I'm frozen, can't move...

Rorschach sighs.

OZYMANDIAS: Alright kid, who are you and how did you get teleported here ?

BART: My name is Bart Simpson and I come from a world where you are characters from a comics and a movie called _Watchmen_. And Ralph teleported me there by accident.

All of them looks stunned, except Manhattan.

OZYMANDIAS: And who's this Ralph ?

BART: A kid version of Manhattan, minus the brain.

MANHATTAN: A proof that parallel universes do exist ? Interesting.

OZYMANDIAS (to himself): Hmmm, Fictional characters... (aloud) Good news for you Rorschach: eliminating you is no longer part of my plan...

Nite Owl and Bart seem relieved, Rorschach, as for him,is still suspicious.

RORSCHACH: You're lying, you can't let me leave. You know I won't compromise.

OZYMANDIAS: I know that my stubborn friend, that's why I just had this idea: sending you in this boy's universe. You can do that, Jon ?

MANHATTAN: I think yes.

RORSCHACH: Why are you doing that ? Not by humanity I bet...

OZYMANDIAS: Rorschach, if you were just a little less stubborn and uncompromising, I would not have thought of killing you in the first place. But, you're wrong, I show mercy to you by acting so since I let you live, in an another universe where no one will believe you if you tell about me since we don't even exist for them. And think of it as a good deed: you'll bring the boy back to his family, he must have one after all.

BART: You mean that Rorschach is coming with me ? Awesome ! Oh... sorry man, I forgot you'll got to leave all your friends, well your friend since you only got one.

NITE OWL: Goodbye my friend, good luck in this new world. And thank you kid for saving him.

He pats Bart's hair.

BART: Hey ! Quit it !

Nite Owl offers his hand to Rorschach who shakes it.

RORSCHACH: Goodbye Daniel. You've really been a good friend.

MANHATTAN: Now Bart, think about a precise place of your world and stay close to Rorschach.

BART: I'm still frozen and stuck to him ! How you guys do to not get frozen here ?

JON: Are you ready, Bart ?

BART: Yes !

Then Manhattan makes them disappear.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Watchmen or the Simpsons, they are the properties of Alan Moore and Matt Groening, they get paid on it, not me.**

**In this chapter Rorschach will meet the rest of the Simpson's family, read further if you want to see if they'll get along or not.**

**I hope you'll enjoy it and please tell me what you think about it.**

**Chapter 2 :**

**Springfield, Bart's Room**

They appear into Bart's room.

BART: Well, that was quite a trip !

RORSCHACH: Get-off-me-immediately !

BART: OK dude, relax !

Bart get off Rorschach's legs.

RORSCHACH : And don't call me "dude" again.

BART: Well, welcome to your new home Rorschach ! Geez, I can't believe there's a superhero at home ! What are you doing ?

RORSCHACH (who's looking into Bart's belongings): Just looking for information about you since I'm gonna live there. Who's that clown ?

BART: It's Krusty the Clown my idol, you must absolutely see his show, it's great. Uh oh, I can't let you watch this. My family will see you. But don't worry about it, there's a mini TV (he notices that Rorschach he's looking at the window and not at him). Hey, you could at least look at me when I'm talking !

RORSCHACH: Who's that girl going into the school-bus ?

BART: My sister Lisa, she loves wasting time at school. Hey ! What are you doing ?

Rorschach grabs him by the collar and gives him his schoolbag.

RORSCHACH: You're going to school.

BART: No need to go, they believe I'm dead !

RORSCHACH: Not an excuse.

BART: Can I change my clothes before ?

RORSCHACH: Fine.

Later, he opens the door and pushes the kid outside.

BART: Remember, don't go downstairs until I get back. If you're hungry there's candies under my pillow.

Rorschach just closes the door and Bart comes downstairs, grumbling.

BART (once in the corridor): And I thought it would be cool to have a superhero at home, what a jerk ! Good thing I didn't return him his mask and hat (he takes them out of his schoolbag, he put them back inside and goes away). Eh, eh !

RORSCHACH: My face and hat ? Where are they ? Must have forgotten them in Antarctica. Great.

His stomach gurgles loudly.

RORSCHACH: Hurm, haven't eaten for a while...

He looks under Bart's pillow and find an empty candy-packet with a word: "Sorry Bart they were too delicious. Homer."

RORSCHACH: Looks like I'll have to go downstairs for food...

_Off screen Bart's voice: Remember, don't go downstairs until I get back_

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Why would I listen a ten-year-old ?

He opens the door.

**Simpsons' house**

The kids come down from the school-bus.

BART: So, Martin's experience turned bad ?

LISA: Yes, the students had become too intelligent and had taken control of the town. Fortunately, Pr Frink found a way to bring them to their initial intellectual level.

BART: Wow, and all that happened after I disappeared ?

LISA: Yes. It surprised me nobody ask anything when they saw you alive in school (Bart shrugs). By the way, how did you survived and returned ?

BART: All you have to know is that something really extraordinary happened to me and that I came back with someone very cool, you'll never find out who he is.

LISA: Rorschach !

BART: How did you find out ? I didn't even show you his mask yet (he put the mask on his head briefly). Check out Liz !

She put her hand on his shoulder, he takes the mask off and discovers how Lisa found out who their surprise-guest is: Marge is in front of Rorschach, sat on the floor, holding his bleeding knee.

MARGE: Bart, did you bring this smelly hobo in the house ?

BART: That's not a hobo Mum, it's Rorschach and he's my new best friend ! What happened to him ?

MARGE: I screamed when I saw him in the living-room and Maggie shot him.

She takes Maggie, who has a rifle in hands, in her arms.

Homer comes back from work.

HOMER: Hi family ! Aaaarg ! Maggie shot Mr Burns again ! Oh, thanks God, it's just a hobo !

Rorschach looks daggers at Homer.

LISA: Mum, Dad, we should call an ambulance for Mr Kovacs.

RORSCHACH: Rorschach.

MARGE: Oh my goodness, the poor man suffers so much that his voice is distorted !

RORSCHACH: It's my normal voice !

MARGE: Oh. Do you smoke a lot ?

RORSCHACH: Could ask you the same. Did you hear yourself ?

**Hospital**

DR HIBBERT: Mr Kosac, I have bad news for you: you will never walk again.

The Simpsons and Rorschach are shocked.

DR HIBBERT: Ah, ah ! I'm joking ! You're lucky Mr Kodacs, Maggie didn't shoot you in the kneecap, you'll just limp a little for some days.

RORSCHACH: I don't like you.

DR HIBBERT: Why ? Because of my jokes ?

RORSCHACH: Not the main reason, it's because you don't only keep calling me Kovacs but you also keep mispronouncing it.

DR HIBBERT (afraid): Could you please stop staring at me that way ? You're scaring me... Listen, you'll be fine, so I authorize to leave this hospital, let's say, immediately. I hope you'll keep yourself in good shape so that I don't see you here again. Eh,eh ! (embarrassed laugh)

The doctor leaves the room quickly.

**Simpsons' house**

The Simpsons are dining with Rorschach.

MARGE: Homer, say something to our guest.

HOMER: Why Marge ?

MARGE: To be polite, Homer.

HOMER (rolls his eyes and sighs): Alright ! (he turns towards Rorschach and talks while eating) So, what do you do in life ?

RORSCHACH: Masked-hero.

HOMER: Cool, I used to be a masked-hero too (Rorschach looks very surprised), Pie Man. I threw pies in people's faces, what about you ?

RORSCHACH: I break their fingers and kill them, sometimes.

BART: See Mum, I told you he was cool !

MARGE: Bart ! There's nothing "cool" in breaking people's fingers.

LISA: That's true, I disagree with you way of dealing out justice, it is way too summary and cruel, I don't like you very much for that.

BART: Don't pay attention Rorschach. It's my sister and she stands for stupid stuff like pacifism or vegetarian diet.

RORSCHACH: Socialist.

LISA (who doesn't pay attention to the insult): But I pity you for your horrible childhood. No wonder why you became that way after such a hell.

RORSCHACH (after remaining silent some minutes): My childhood... Bart told me I was fictional, he told about a comics and a movie too, so that means you know everything about me and the others ?

LISA: Yes, we know everything the scenarist had told us about. By the way can you tell me how Ozymandias destroyed New York ?

BART: Please Liz, we all know the jerk framed Blue guy for this and destroyed others cities !

RORSCHACH: He's right... No wait, unless it was a giant squid that did it. I can't remember exactly.

BART: What squid ?

LISA: I asked you this question to check if you were the Rorschach from the comics or the one from the movie, since there are some differences between the two. But I wouldn't have never thought you were the two versions !

RORSCHACH: Would like to see the comics and the movie.

HOMER: Woohoo ! A movie !

**Living-room**

The family and Rorschach are watching the movie. At that point there is the love scene between Laurie and Daniel on Archie.

HOMER: Wow, that's becoming hot !

MARGE: Kids, close your eyes, please.

BART: Mum, I've already seen this movie !

LISA: You know Mum, there's commercials on TV that are way more explicit than this scene. Rorschach, are you okay ?

He looks furious.

RORSCHACH: Can't believe they were doing it while I was in prison... If I see Daniel again I... (calms down) Who am I kidding ? I won't see him again. I miss him.

On the TV Rorschach, still in prison, takes back his mask from the psychiatrist.

RORSCHACH: Miss my face too. Been stupid enough to left it behind.

BART: Er, about your face, here you go...

Bart gives him his mask and hat back.

RORSCHACH: You had it on you ? How ? Thought you were frozen and couldn't move.

BART: When you guys were discussing the wind has whipped up your hat and mask towards me, I caught them, and you were all so busy that nobody noticed them. And when we came back I kinda forgot to return them.

Before putting on his mask and hat, he looks at Bart in a way which means: I know you're lying, consider yourself lucky I don't beat you for that because you're a kid.

LISA: Now, we should stop the movie I think.

HOMER: No way ! I want to see if they save the world !

RORSCHACH: We don't.

HOMER: What ? No happy-ending ? What kind of movie is that ?

LISA: A realistic super-heroes movie, except for the blue god-like man of course. And you already know how it ends, you've seen it two weeks ago !

HOMER: I know, but I have so many important things to remember (he looks at his arm where we can read: elder pointy-head = Lisa, younger pointy-head = Maggie).

On TV, Daniel: !

HOMER (crying) : Oh, they killed Rorschach !

LISA: That's precisely what I wanted to avoid: showing the man his own death. But I wouldn't have thought that it would have affected dad more than Rorschach, still it's difficult to say so with this mask (Rorschach has indeed no reaction). Are you alright ? (Rorschach nods) Dad, stop crying, he's not dead anymore, he's with us, see ? By the way how did the apparition of my brother didn't change the end of the story ?

HOMER: Who cares ? Still a good movie.

RORSCHACH: Will not complain about the change.

**In front of the bathroom**

RORSCHACH: No.

MARGE: Oh yes, you need to take a good shower to get rid of all this filth;

RORSCHACH: For the last time Mrs Simpson, no.

MARGE: You win. Could you bring me the liquid to wash the windowpanes, please ? I would gladly do it myself but I can't (she indeed has many others cleaning stuff in her arms). It's in the cupboard above the wash bowl.

The cupboard is in the bathroom, Rorschach enters and Marge quickly locks the door behind him.

Rorschach tries to break down the door vainly.

RORSCHACH: Open the door !

MARGE: When you're clean. And trying to break down the door is useless, these door and keyhole are the stronger on the market.

He looks everywhere in the bathroom.

MARGE: There's no exit except the door. What did you think ? I haven't raised three children without learning how to force them to take a bath.

He opens the window and sees it has been bricked up. No exit.

RORSCHACH (reluctantly): Fine, I'll take the shower.

MARGE: Wonderful. Take off your clothes now.

RORSCHACH: … What ?

MARGE: Well, you can't wash with your clothes on, and I must wash them in addition.

RORSCHACH: No way.

MARGE: I see, you're afraid I could see you naked. Give them through the trapdoor.

The clothes passed through the trapdoor made for the cat, so little that only Maggie could pass through it. Marge put them into a basket.

MARGE: Your mask is missing.

RORSCHACH: Not my face !

MARGE: Especially your face, give it to me or I open the door.

He quickly passes the mask through the trapdoor.

MARGE: That's better, here some spare clothes.

She passes them through the trapdoor and is about to go, but she looks back at the last minute.

MARGE: I don't hear the water !

Rorschach curses some minutes and finally Marge hears the water and, satisfied, go downstairs.

**The living-room, at night**

Rorschach wears jeans and a with T-shirt with a big smiley on it, there's a red stain looking like a clock-hand close to midnight.

RORSCHACH: Whose clothes are these ?

MARGE: My husband.

RORSCHACH: Impossible, it fits me.

MARGE: Well, these are old clothes. You know he's not always been that...

RORSCHACH: … fat ?

MARGE: … chubby. Sorry for the stain, I don't know how he did it but I've not been able to wash it. You're sure you don't want a pillow and a blanket to sleep on the couch ?

RORSCHACH: Fine like this.

MARGE: Oh. And you really don't want to reconsider our offer for the guestroom ?

HOMER: Marge, he doesn't care, come to bed !

MARGE: Well, good night then.

Rorschach is on the couch, about to read the comics _Watchmen_, Bart goes downstairs and turns on the TV.

RORSCHACH: What are you doing ?

BART: Watching a movie. _Saw XXIII_.

RORSCHACH: What kind of movie is that ?

BART: The most gory horror-movie of all time !

RORSCHACH: PG 16, you're only ten.

He turns off the TV.

BART: Aw ! Come on man !

He stands up and grabs Bart by his pajamas' collar and drags him to his room.

BART: Geez, it will be hard to get along with this guy !

**The day after, in the morning**

All the family is eating breakfast, Rorschach joins them.

LES SIMPSON: Morning Rorschach !

RORSCHACH: Hurm !

HOMER: Eh, Eh ! He's not a morning person your friend, Bart !

BART: I left raw eggs and uncooked beans for you, I told Mum you loved it.

MARGE: We don't offer that for breakfast, Bart, especially to a guest.

BART: But Mum I read it in the comics !

MARGE Bart, that's enough. (she shows (tend) the pancakes and bacon to Rorschach): Do you like pancakes and bacon Ror… Oh ! You were that hungry ?

Rorschach takes all the remaining pancakes, put bacon on and maple syrup . He eat it without using any cutlery.

HOMER (lets his head go backwards on the chair, dribbles) : Hmmm… Pancakes, maple syrup and bacon… (he looks at his watch and screams). Aaaarg ! Gonna be late, bye !

He runs and takes the maple syrup bottle to drink it whereas Rorschach was about to grab it.

LISA: Ew, That's disgusting ! How can he eat that ?

BART: He's not even eaten the eggs , why ? I've seen him do that in the comics !

LISA: Bart, I think he eats whatever he can find, not that he especially likes raw eggs or uncooked beans.

MARGE: Kids ! The bus is here !

BART ET LISA: Bye Mum, Bye Rorschach !

RORSCHACH (who leaves the table) : Bye.

Rorschach is searching his uniform into the laundry basket hurriedly, after having thrown all the laundry away from the basket for nothing he comes into the living-room where Marge is vacuum-cleaning, he tries to say something but she doesn't hear him, so he unplugs the vacuum-cleaner and repeat his question.

RORSCHACH: My clothes ? My face ?

MARGE: Still in the washing machine, I had never seen clothes so dirty before and yet I've made the laundry of my husband and my son for years. You can wear these clothes meanwhile.

He doesn't seem happy about it.

MARGE: Can you look after Maggie a little while ? I'm cleaning upstairs.

She gives him the baby, he takes Maggie reluctantly and keep her away from him as if she was a bomb.

He hears the doorbell ringing but ignores it first, after hearing it several times he finally comes to open it after sighing. That's Patty and Selma.

PATTY: Wow ! Marge finally got rid of Homer !

SELMA: Yes, the new one is much better.

PATTY: And he takes care of the baby at least.

Marge comes down.

MARGE: Patty ! Selma !

SELMA: Hi Marge, congratulations for your new man.

MARGE: What… Oh no ! I am still with Homer. This is Rorschach, a friend of Bart. Rorschach, my sister Patty and Selma.

SELMA: That means the handsome guy is still free ?

MARGE: I guess so.

Rorschach begins to panic and tries to sneak away but Marge sees him.

MARGE: Rorschach, where are you going with Maggie ?

RORSCHACH: Take her out.

He runs as fast as he can.

SELMA: That's a dream man.

PATTY: Yes, I think my heterosexuality is coming back.

SELMA: Plus, he seems to like children, he would make a good father for Ling.

**The Quick-E-Mart**

Rorschach stops against a wall of the Quick-E-Mark to catch his breath.

RORSCHACH: I think we're far enough now.

He looks through the windowpane and sees The Snake threatening Apu with a rifle. He glances behind him and sees chief Wiggum eating donuts in his car.

RORSCHACH: Hurm. The cop won't do a thing .

He's about to get in but stops.

RORSCHACH: Oh, I forgot you were here.

He gives her to Hans Moleman.

RORSCHACH: Keep me that five seconds.

He gets into the store, catches The Snake from behind and twists his arm, he drops the gun and fall on the ground.

APU: Thanks a lot sir ! That's not the police who would have done that !

LOU: Hey ! We were busy !

He's drinking a squeeshee with his colleague Eddie.

The Snake, while everyone turn their back at him, picks himself up and takes a knife out of his boot, he's about to stab Rorschach but they heard a gunshot and the thief collapses.

They all look back and see Maggie with a gun, Rorschach takes her into his arms.

RORSCHACH: Good you didn't shot me this time, Maggie. Good shot, got potential to become a vigilante.

Chief Wiggum comes.

WIGGUM: Hey ! That baby stole my gun !

RORSCHACH: Most useful in her hands than yours.

Maggie takes off her pacifier and put the gun into her mouth instead, Rorschach takes it off and go away.

**Simpsons' house**

RORSCHACH: Your horrible aunts must be gone now, Maggie. Aaaah !

He enters into the living-room and sees Selma in underwear shaving his hairy legs.

SELMA: Oh, you're back pretty red-head ? Hey, don't go away ! I don't mind such a handsome man ogles me.

RORSCHACH (to himself): Who does this whore think I am ?

He tries to leave the house but Selma goes between him and the door, so he ran towards the stairs but collides with Homer who was running downstairs.

HOMER: Arg ! The other big whale !

SELMA: Did you look at yourself, fatso ?

PATTY: Hey Selma, you said the handsome guy has returned ? Oops !

HOMER and RORSCHACH: AAAAAH !

Patty has just come out of the bathroom and only wears a towel, the towel falls... Rorschach hides Maggie's eyes before trying to go downstairs with Homer but Selma stands in their way.

HOMER: We're surrounded ! What do we do ? What do we do ?

RORSCHACH: We run !

He knocks about Selma and, followed by Homer, runs towards the front-door that Marge, who comes back from shopping, opens.

MARGE: Homer ? Rorschach ? What...

HOMER: Marge ! What are the two witches doing here ?

MARGE: My sisters are going to live with us for some time, Homer.

HOMER ET RORSCHACH : WHAT ?

MARGE: Yes, until all the cockroaches that invaded their flat are exterminated, the problem is that it may take some months, in addition the exterminator wants to get paid before he begins to work and until they get enough money to pay him they'll stay with us.

PATTY: You hear that handsome ? We'll have plenty of time to get acquainted ?

SELMA: Yes, we're gonna see each other everyday !

They're laughing while they look at Rorschach.

RORSCHACH (under his breath): Gonna kill them.

HOMER (whispering): Sorry but these are the horrible sisters of my wife and for some reason she cares for them.

RORSCHACH (to himself shuddering): Everyday... would have preferred to be blown up.

**Simpson's living-room**

Rorschach is sat on the couch and is writing in a journal.

_Rorschach's Journal_

_Second day with the Simpsons. Have met Mrs Simpson's sisters, two perverted witches, are gonna live in the same house than me for quite some time. Can't kill them, for some reason Mrs Simpson doesn't agree, and even if she forced me to take a bath and washed my clothes she's been rather nice. Find a way to get rid of these two bitches. Help from the rest of the family is to be hoped, seem to hate them, especially Homer. On second thoughts, not involving Homer, way too stupid._

PATTY: Hey ? What are you writing ?

SELMA: It's a diary ?

RORSCHACH (grumbles and closes the journal): No.

SELMA: You know, you don't have to sleep on the couch.

PATTY: Yes, we can make room for you.

RORSCHACH (shudders, disgusted at the idea): GET AWAY FROM ME !

They go away, laughing.

SELMA: Don't worry sister, shy guys tend to react like this.

Rorschach keeps writing into his journal after taking another crayon, he had broken the first by clenching his fist.

_Find a way to get rid of them without violence. Quick. An idea: pay the exterminator. Problem: with what money ? Had only two cents and the Simpsons are not rich. Find a work ?_

**Next time, Springfield Elementary School ! I hope you liked this second chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Watchmen or the Simpsons, they are the properties of Alan Moore and Matt Groening, they get paid on it, not me.**

**In this chapter apparition of most of the Springfield Elementary School's staff.  
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**Enjoy !**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3 :<strong>

**Simpson' house, the kitchen**

HOMER: Rorschach, can you give me the newspaper ? I would like to read the comics !

RORSCHACH: When I find a job.

HOMER: A work ? For what ?

RORSCHACH: Pay the exterminator, so that the two witches leave.

HOMER: Marge's sisters ? Oh don't get me on this. You can work with me at the nuclear power-plant, if you want.

RORSCHACH: What's your job there ?

HOMER: Safety inspector.

Rorschach is thinking.

_Flash back_

Homer is repairing the roof with Bart, he uses a nailgun.

HOMER: Look at the new toy Dad bought, Bart ! Eh, Eh !

He plays with the nailgun as if it was a cowboy's revolver but he throws nail at himself by accident and screams "Oh my God !" while Bart is laughing.

Rorschach and Lisa are watching the whole thing from the garden.

RORSCHACH: And you say it's always like that ?

LISA: Unfortunately, yes.

_End of the flashback_

RORSCHACH: No !

He goes back to the newspaper.

BART: I know where you can find a job.

RORSCHACH: Where ?

BART: At school.

**Skinner's office**

SKINNER: So, Mr... what's your name again ?

RORSCHACH: Kovacs.

SKINNER: So, Mr Kovacs you want to work as a monitor ?

RORSCHACH: Yes.

SKINNER: You're ready to accept a dangerous, ungrateful, underpaid work ?

RORSCHACH: Yes, done that for years.

SKINNER: And you have experience ! You're hired and you start right now !

**School playground**

Walter is in the playground and watch the students, Willie comes to see him.

WILLIE: Hello newbie, I'm Willie the groundskeeper!

He extends his hand but Rorschach doesn't shake it.

RORSCHACH:Walter, the monitor.

WILLIE: Ah, tell me lad, are you Irish ?

RORSCHACH: No.

WILLIE: Good, I hate Irish ! (he raises the fist) Are you Scottish ?

RORSCHACH: No.

WILLIE: Good, I hate others Scots !

He raises the fist again.

**School's corridors**

Rorschach is watching the students in the corridors now, Mrs Krabappel and Miss Hoover are looking at him while they drink a coffee.

HOOVER: Edna, did you see the new monitor ? The sexier we've had since... Hum, well thinking about it we've never had sexy men here.

EDNA: Yes, pretty handsome, Rrrr !

HOOVER: Oh no, Edna ! You let me this one. You already have Skinner !

EDNA: Seymour ? Pfff ! He's nice but he will never leave his mother for me.

HOOVER: Maybe we should talk to him ? This way we'll see which one of us interests him.

They come near him.

HOOVER: Hello Mr... Kovacs, that's it ? I am Elizabeth Hoover (Edna elbows her) and this is my colleague Edna Krabappel. Would you like to take a coffee with us ?

RORSCHACH: No time, must watch the kids.

EDNA: Come on, it will take only five minutes. How many sugars in your coffee ?

They're near the coffee dispenser, he just takes as many sugar-cubes he can get.

HOOVER: Er... you seem to like sugar, you're sure you don't want coffee with it ?

EDNA: Are you close to your mother ? It's just a question.

RORSCHACH: Dead. Hated her.

He leaves.

EDNA: He's a dream !

**Springfield' elementary school**

HOOVER (runs away from the classroom): Rhaaa ! That's enough ! I can't stand their little dead eyes and their stupid faces !

SKINNER: Miss Hoover, please...

She runs away and locks herself inside the staff room.

SKINNER: Damn. And all the other teachers are busy.

He looks back and sees Rorschach.

SKINNER: You, the monitor, Miss Hoover just had a nervous breakdown, could you keep an eye on the students and teach them I f you can ?

RORSCHACH: Hurm ?

SKINNER: I'll take that for a yes. Good luck.

Rorschach enters.

LISA: Excuse-me Ror... sir, where is Miss Hoover ?

RORSCHACH: Nervous breakdown. Stand in for her. What are you studying ?

LISA: The _Daffodils_ by Wordsworth.

RORSCHACH: Good. Listen kids (they keep talking, he takes a chalk and write the poem's title and the author's name on the blackboard scraping with the chalk). Anyone wants to recite ? (Lisa is the only one who raises her hand)

Lisa recites the poem.

Rorschach explains them the poem, they're fascinated. He stops talking after half an hour.

RORSCHACH: Hurm, what Mr Baxter used to say after that ?

_Flash back_

**Charlton Institute**

MR BAXTER: … and the daffodils in this poem symbolize... OUCH !

A STUDENT (who has just thrown many paper-pellets at the teacher's head): Screw your daffodils old fart !

He's about to throw his cutter on the teacher who's hidden behind his desk but Walter Kovacs, who is twelve years old here, catches him and knock his head against the desk. The others stop messing around.

WALTER: You can go on, sir.

MONSIEUR BAXTER: Er... Thank you Kovacs. So, as I said...

_End of the flashback_

RORSCHACH: I remember now. So the daffodils...

He finishes five minute before the end of the class.

RORSCHACH: … finished. Any questions ? (Ralph raises his hand)

RALPH: What happens to the elves ?

RORSCHACH (silent for some minutes): … No elves in this poem. Any questions ? (Ralph raises his hand again) Someone else ? (keeps ignoring Ralph who finally teleports himself) No ? Class dismissed.

Students leave, Rorschach talks with Lisa.

RORSCHACH: How did this weird kid turn out like Manhattan ?

LISA: Ralph Wiggum ? During a school-trip he's been locked in a nuclear reactor and he's that way since this day. Your lesson was great by the way, by far the best I've heard here. You should be a teacher you know, I'm sure it would be more rewarding for you than being a monitor, and you would become more sociable this way.

SKINNER (who enters in the classroom): Sorry Lisa but the school can't afford another teacher. Unless we fire one of them of course, do you want Miss Hoover to be fired ?

LISA (horrified): No !

SKINNER: So, the problem is solved. Good work Kowalski by the way.

RORSCHACH: It's Kovacs !

**In the school's bathroom**

Kearney, Dolph and Jimbo are making graffiti into the toilets and they unroll the toilet-tissue and throw it everywhere.

KEARNEY: You're sure nobody will disturb us ?

JIMBO: Don't worry, I've locked the door.

DOLPH: Good thing we stole the keys from Willie.

JIMBO: Yeah, nobody can open the door now !

They laugh but suddenly Rorschach opens the door by kicking into it, they scream and he catches them. Skinner enters in the bathroom.

SKINNER: Mr Kojac ? What happened here ?

RORSCHACH: Kovacs. Have found these three little scums vandalizing.

SKINNER: Oh Lord ! Did they break the door too ? Because if you did it, you'll have to pay for it.

RORSCHACH: They did it too, right ?

He gives them a bad look.

KEARNEY: Yeah... we did that too ! We did everything !

JIMBO: Please sir ! Put us in detention !

DOLPH: Everything but staying with this guy !

SKINNER: Strange, it's the first time they ask themselves to go in detention. Willie, bring them to the detention room.

WILLIE: Yessir. Hey, wait a minute... Why you don't send the new monitor ?

SKINNER: So that he can keep an eye on the children.

WILLIE: So, you're playing favorites, hey Skinner ? And beware you newbie, I'll keep an eye an eye on you ! You hear me ?

SKINNER: Kodac, you're creating an atmosphere of terror in the school, even the bullies fear you. I love it !

RORSCHACH: Thanks, and for the last time, it's Kovacs.

SKINNER: Oh, there's a little thing you could do. Could you teach Miss Hoover's class ?

RORSCHACH: Again ? It's her job not mine.

SKINNER: She can't work right now...

They open the door and find her drunk in front of the class.

HOOVER: What are you looking at ?

RORSCHACH: What kind of school is that ?

SKINNER: I know, I wonder too sometimes. Please, give the class again just for once. Kids, Mrs Kavoc is back !

Skinner helps the drunk teacher to leave the classroom.

RALPH: You'll tell us what happened to the elves, sir ?

RORSCHACH: Hurm. For the last time, I've never talked about elves !

Rorschach looks at the watch.

RORSCHACH: Only five minutes. What were you supposed to do ?

LISA: The Vietnam war.

RORSCHACH: Good, just two words: we won. Go away now.

The students look at him, wondering if he's serious, the twins burst into laughter.

RORSCHACH: What's so funny ?

TERRY AND SHERRY: You're lousy at history ! Hi, hi, hi.

RORSCHACH: What ?

LISA: Pssst, we lost in Vietnam.

RORSCHACH: We lost ? Bullshit !

SKINNER: Sir, if it's a joke I'm not amused. As a Vietnam veteran I can tell you that we lost, everybody knows that !

RALPH: Even me !

The bell rings, the students leave the classroom.

Lisa stays with Rorschach.

RORSCHACH: So we lost in Vietnam. How could it happen ? I remember yet...

LISA: The US won in Vietnam only in your world, Rorschach. In the real world, it has been a crushing defeat. Your world is a uchronia after all: our world as it could have been if things had happened differently: for instance, if superheroes hadn't been confined in the comics.

RORSCHACH: I know what a uchronia is. Any other changes I should know about ?

LISA (thinks and counts on her fingers): Well, Nixon had to resign the office after the Watergate scandal, I'll explain you later, electric cars are not common at all, superheroes don't exist in real life... Listen, I'll tell you more about it at home.

**Classroom of Bart**

Bart writes the last line of "I won't put a thumbtack on the principal's chair again" on the blackboard, Rorschach is watching him.

BART: You're really an ingrate to make me do that ! Without me you would have been atomized !

RORSCHACH: You had to be punished.

BART (grumbles): Finished. You're coming ?

RORSCHACH: Not yet. Must free the bullies from the basement. Would left them in, if I were in charge.

BART: OK. See you later.

He leaves the classroom and meets Mrs Krabappel wearing a trench-coat.

EDNA: Good evening Walter !

RORSCHACH: That's Kovacs.

EDNA: Oh don't be so formal, you can call me Edna, you know. You're releasing the three monsters ?

RORSCHACH: Yes.

He moves on but she keeps following him.

EDNA: I ask you that because Skinner had them locked into another room.

RORSCHACH: Where ?

EDNA: Follow me.

He sighs but follows, she opens a door, Rorschach enters, she locks behind him while he's looking for the boys.

RORSCHACH: They're not here. Why... Hey !

Mrs Krabappel has thrown her trench-coat on him, he looks back and sees her naked.

EDNA: So ? What are you waiting for, handsome ?

He runs to a window and break it, he's almost out but he can't: Edna (who has put on her trench-coat) has grabbed his leg.

EDNA: Oh no ! You're the only one worthy of being called a man I've seen since Seymour, you can't go away ! OW !

He kicks her, she lets his leg go, he's free;

EDNA: Come back ! I need a man !

Bart is waiting leaning on his skate-board, Rorschach runs towards him, grabs his hand and keeps running.

RORSCHACH: Bart, we're going home. Now !

BART: You've freed the bullies ? Strange, I didn't see them coming out of school.

RORSCHACH: I knew I forgot something...Anyway, that will teach them a lesson.

**Simpson's house**

RORSCHACH: Homer, Are there women at the power-plant ?

HOMER: No, Mr Burns's policy is very... what's the word for a man who don't like women, Lisa ?

LISA: Misogynous, dad.

HOMER: Yeah, that's it.

RORSCHACH: Good, Will come tomorrow.

HOMER: That's great ! See you tomorrow colleague !

LISA: I am really disappointed in you, Rorschach. I thought you were misanthropic, not misogynous.

RORSCHACH: I hate women when they're like your aunts or that Mrs Krabappel.

LISA: Wait... Mrs Krabappel ? What's wrong with her ?

RORSCHACH: Not your business.

HOMER (coming back to take a beer): Oh, by the way, you should put a suit for the interview, you got one ?

He takes off the trench-coat, revealing a purple stripped-suit.

HOMER: Wow, wow ! You can already say good bye to the job if you come in that !

RORSCHACH: What's wrong with the suit ?

HOMER: It's purple and Mr Burns hates eccentricity.

LISA: That's true, he's even send Dad into a lunatic asylum because he went to work in a pink shirt.

RORSCHACH: I won't change.

HOMER: Oh come on, it's no big deal ! Just change your suit !

RORSCHACH: No, nothing will change my mind.

PATTY: Hey everyone, tomorrow we'll make a marathon of all our holidays films in nudist camp around the world !

Rorschach and Homer look both very disgusted.

RORSCHACH: You have any suit that fits me ?

LISA: What happened to "Never compromise, even in face of Armageddon" ?

RORSCHACH: Armageddon is one thing, your aunts are another.

**Next time, the Springfield Nuclear Power-plant !**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** **I don't own Rorschach, Bart or any characters from the **_**Simpsons**_** or **_**Watchmen**_**, Matt Groening and Alan Moore do, and they get paid on it, not me.**

**After the School, the Nuclear Power-plant !**

**Chapter 4:**

**The Quick E Mart, on the morning**

Homer takes many donuts boxes, Rorschach is near him in a green suit.

RORSCHACH: Gonna be late Homer, hurry.

HOMER: Relax ! Hello Apu.

APU: Good Morning Mr Simpsons, ten donuts boxes with extra sugar as usual. Hey ! Don't dribble on the bills ! (he sees Rorschach) Oh, the man who saved me last time ! What can I do for you ?

RORSCHACH: _The News Frontiersman_, you have it ?

APU: Sorry, never heard about it.

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Got any other Republican newspapers ?

APU: What about the _Jebediah News_? The more radical in town.

RORSCHACH: I'll take it.

APU: Thank you, come again !

Apu, once his clients out.

APU: Nice guy for a Republican.

**Springfield nuclear power-plant**

HOMER: Hey, Mr Smithers, I got a friend... What's your name again ?

RORSCHACH (sighs): Walter.

HOMER: Anyway, he wanna work at the power-plant.

SMITHERS: So, you want to join the big family of the nuclear ? Luckily, we have an available position, just write your name on that list and wait into this room, please.

He opens a door and Rorschach get inside while Homer thumbs up at him to wish him good luck. He finds himself locked in with Cletus and Hans Moleman.

**Burns' office**

A screen broadcasts what's happening in the room where the job-seekers are locked in.

SMITHERS: Sir, the directives order us to engage at least one inexperienced employee, if you just turned your head a little towards this screen the question would be settled quickly.

Burns looks at the screen reluctantly.

BURNS: Too old (Hans Moleman), stupid (Cletus), take them away. Wait, zoom on this one with the newspaper. It looks like he's not illiterate at least. Who is that ?

SMITHERS (looking at his file): Some Walter Kovacs, sir, personally I wouldn't trust him: Homer Simpson introduced him as a friend of his...

BURNS (who apparently didn't listen at all to Smithers): Kovacs, hey ? A Polish ? I'll hire him, he will fill up the quota of ethnic minorities. And look at that Smithers, he's reading a Republican newspaper ! And I thought the youth had left the Republican party... (he takes the microphone). You with the newspaper, get out, you're hired ! (once Kovacs out) Release the crocodiles Smithers, they'll eat the others.

SMITHERS: Sir, the crocodiles died two days ago.

BURNS: Oh, what a shame, just let them go then, I'll find something else to have fun.

**Sector 7-G**

SMITHERS: Kovacs, you will work in the sector 7-G, now I leave you with your colleague, I hope you will like it here.

Smithers left and Homer, Carl and Lenny come.

HOMER: Woohoo ! We're co-workers !

RORSCHACH: Hurm.

LENNY: Hello newbie ! I am Lenny and this is Carl.

CARL: Hi, what's your first name, Kopacs ?

RORSCHACH: Walter, and it's Kovacs, it's not that difficult !

**Some minutes later**

BURNS: Hey, you Polish ! Can you tell me were your stupid colleagues are ?

RORSCHACH: Eating donuts, don't see where the problem is: it's the break. And Kovacs is Hungarian, not Polish.

BURNS: Polish, Hungarian, it's all the same. By the way, congratulations, you speak a quite fluent American for a new immigrant. But you still have problems with the pronouns from what I can hear.

RORSCHACH: Born in the US, not an immigrant. And I don't have problem with pronouns.

BURNS: How wonderful, you're already denying your origins, and on top of it you're a Republican ! If all new immigrants could get as acculturated as you are that quickly, this nation would be even better. My young friend, you can shake my hand.

RORSCHACH (pissed off): Hurm. Can't do that. Considered impolite in Hungary.

BURNS: Well, maybe I spoke a little too fast about your integration, since you don't have cut every links with your motherland. But I think you have potential. Now, get back to work !

Mr Burns and Smithers leaves, as the others return.

RORSCHACH: Eastern-Europeans as new immigrants... He lives in the nineteenth century or what ?

LENNY: Oh, don't pay attention, last time he's said Prussia instead of Germany.

CARL: Yes, and he said that O'Hara and Sciascia were new immigrants too.

HOMER: If living in the past was the only thing going wrong with Mr Burns, it would be okay !

Carl and Lenny agree.

RORSCHACH: Why, he can get worse ?

CARL: Well, he has hidden the sun once.

LENNY: He doesn't care about our safety at all.

HOMER: He calls me fat and he can't remember my name !

**Sector G-7**

Homer is sleeping as usual, the alarm rings.

ALARME: Red alert ! Meltdown in the reactor core !

Rorschach opens the door.

RORSCHACH: Homer ! The Alarm !

HOMER (wakes up and freaks out): Huh ?... AAAAARG ! Ohmygod, ohmygod ! What the hell am I supposed to do ?

RORSCHACH (horrified): You're the safety inspector and you don't know what to do ? You're kidding, right ?

HOMER: Eh, eh ! Of course I'm kidding. I'll have it fixed in no time !

RORSCHACH: Immediately !

HOMER (using a nursery-rhyme to choose the right button) : Okay, Okay. Ennie Meenie Miney Moe, catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollers let him go, Ennie Menie Miney Moe !

Rorschach looks at him in disbelief. Homer finally presses one button.

ALARME: Meltdown prevented. Nuclear holocaust postponed. Have a nice day !

HOMER: _Phew !_ Another hard day work which ends ! I'm going to Moe, you're coming ?

RORSCHACH: Homer, you almost got us all killed (he turns towards Lenny and Carl). Am I the only one concerned about it ?

CARL: Pretty much, yeah.

LENNY: You know, Homer put the town in danger so many times, we're used to it now.

CARL: And he's just human, mistakes happen. See you tomorrow, Walter !

RORSCHACH: Not coming back tomorrow.

LENNY: What ? You're leaving us already ? We wanted to celebrate your arrival in a welcome-party at Moe's !

HOMER: _D'Oh !_ We'll have to cancel everything !

CARL: No need to cancel it, let's just turn into a farewell-party !

HOMER: There'll still be beer ?

CARL: Yes.

HOMER: _Woohoo !_

**In the toilets**

RORSCHACH (grumbling): Stupid Homer, almost killed us all and nobody says anything, stupid...

He enter in one of the toilets and closes the door, he sees there's no toilet paper.

RORSCHACH: First a near nuclear holocaust, now this ! Great day really !

He hears someone entering.

BURNS: Smithers we can talk about my project now, there's obviously no one here.

SMITHERS: Maybe, we should check out sir, after all it would be a disaster if anyone heard about it.

Rorschach, still in the toilets, gets more and more curious.

BURNS: Hmm, maybe you're right. Is there someone here ? See ? No answers. Now we can talk about (his voice gets more evil and he joins his fingers) my evil scheme. I can promise you it will overcome everything I have done before, Smithers !

SMITHERS: What, you mean worse than when you hid the sun ?

BURNS: Way worst Smithers, a crime so terrible that Moriarty's most refined scheme would appear like the product of the weakest mind known to man. Thinking about it, maybe the toilets are not the appropriate place to talk about it, maybe we should talk about it in my office.

SMITHERS: Certainly sir.

BURNS: Moreover, my evil scheme is not complete Smithers.

Rorschach opens the door a little, cautiously, and when he's sure they left the place he leaves the toilets.

RORSCHACH: An evil scheme worse than everything he's done before... Need to get more information about it. Should stay here, despite the Homer's threat, will keep an eye on Burns more easily as an employee.

**Moe's Tavern**

There's a banner with "Welcome Walter !" with "welcome" crossed and replaced by "Farewell"

Homer and Rorschach come in.

LENNY AND CARL: One, two, three... Cause it's a jolly good fellow, cause it's a jolly good fellow !...

RORSCHACH: No need to sing that.

HOMER: Why ?

RORSCHACH: Not leaving anymore.

LENNY AND CARL: _Yeahhh !_

HOMER: _D'Oh !_

MOE: Hey, what's up Homer ?

HOMER: It means the party is over.

LENNY: No, it means it's a welcome-party again.

MOE: And there's still beer !

HOMER: _Woohoo !_

LENNY: But you could have told us before. What are we gonna do with this "Farewell" banner ?

HOMER: Who cares, there's beer anyway ! (he raise his beer mug like the others) To Walter, our new colleague and friend !

THE OTHERS: To Walter !

They drink their beers, and coffee for Barney since he's not anymore an alcoholic.

BARNEY: Wait a minute, you said colleague ? So it's not a bachelor party ?

RORSCHACH: No !

BARNEY: Aw, what are we gonna do with the stripper I hired ?

MOE: What are we gonna do ? Let her come of course !

RORSCHACH: No way !

MOE: What ? Are you mad ?

HOMER: Easy Moe, it's Walter's party which means he's the boss. So if he doesn't want a stripper there will be no stripper.

**Simpson's home**

They turn back home.

MARGE: Homie ? You're coming home that late ? And you're drunk again !

HOMER: Not at all, honey, not at all !

RORSCHACH: You're talking to me Homer, your wife is this way, and good thing you were drunk.

LISA: Why are you saying that ?

RORSCHACH: Because this idiot told who I am to his drunkard friends.

HOMER: Well you're a comics and movie character, that's not a shame.

BART: Where's the problem ? They probably know nothing about _Watchmen_ and they'll forget everything by tomorrow with the alcohol.

LISA: And who would seriously think you're a fictional character ? That would be like saying Dad is a cartoon character.

RORSCHACH: What kind of moron would watch him ?

MARGE: Stop arguing everyone, diner is served !

HOMER: Hmmm, diner...

**The Treehouse, the morning**

Bart is climbing in the tree, he arrives in the treehouse and sees Rorschach inside.

RORSCHACH: Hello Bart.

BART: Hi, you slept there ? I thought you were on the couch.

RORSCHACH: Have seen your aunt, Patty or Selma, can't tell the difference, in... transparent nightdress the other night (Bart shudders with disgust). From now, I'll sleep there.

BART: You could have asked before, it's my treehouse !

RORSCHACH: You're not using it at night, are you ?

BART: Okay, you can stay.

LISA (from the ground): Bart, who are you talking to ?

BART: Rorschach. Hey, don't climb ! It's forbidden to girls !

She climbs anyway.

LISA: So you prefer working for that mean old man rather than educating ?

RORSCHACH: By educating you mean watching brainless kids ?

BART: Meh, it's almost the same.

LISA: Bart ! And you're not even qualified to work in the nuclear, you used to be a tailor, remember !

RORSCHACH: Know my own life, and no one seems qualified in this nuthouse, especially your father. How did he ever became a safety inspector anyway ?

BART: Dunno.

He and Lisa shrug to show their ignorance.

RORSCHACH: Plus, gotta stay to keep an eye on Mr Burns.

LISA: Why ?

RORSCHACH: Heard him talk about a scheme more evil than everything he's done before. Must find out what it is and stop him.

LISA (gasps): It's certainly to destroy the environment ! As if his horrible power-plant hadn't caused enough problems ! Can we help you in any way ?

RORSCHACH: No, not for children.

BART: Hey man, try to win this time (Rorschach gives him a dark look). Oh, Milhouse is here, gotta go, bye !

Bart leaves quickly

Rorschach takes a piece of carton and a marker and begins to write on, without paying attention to Lisa.

LISA: What are you writing ? Can I see it ?

RORSCHACH: You're still here ? Then make yourself useful and put it outside.

He gives her the piece of carton he's just written on and writes on another as Lisa reads the panel: "Fordbidden to twin whores".

LISA (same disapproving grunt as Marge): Hmm. You know, even if they are horrible it's very rude to call them that way.

RORSCHACH: Hurm.

LISA: And they're twisted enough to see that as an invitation.

He suddenly takes the panel from Lisa's hands and tears it apart.

LISA: Geez, you're overreacting (she picks up the new panel he's just finished). "The end is nigh". You don't need to play the hobo here, you know ?

RORSCHACH: Give me that. It's for the power-plant.

LISA: I see, very appropriate. You know, about the power-plant, I still want to help you.

RORSCHACH: I said no children.

LISA: It's not about Burns' plan, it's about giving you basic knowledge about nuclear science.

RORSCHACH: And what a eight-years-old like you know about nuclear science ?

LISA: Well, I know that the Six-factor formula is the neutron life-cycle balance equation, which includes six separate factors, the product of which is equal to the ratio of the number of neutrons in any generation to that of the previous one; and this parameter is called the effective multiplication factor (k), a.k.a. Keff. k = LfρLthfηЄ, where Lf = fast non-leakage factor; ρ = resonance escape probability; Lth = thermal non-leakage factor; f = thermal fuel utilization factor"; η = reproduction factor; Є = fast-fission factor.

RORSCHACH (after some minutes of silence): I'm listening.

**Lisa's room**

Lisa brings to Rorschach some books about nuclear.

LISA: Well, I think it would be better for you to start with this.

She gives a book to Rorschach.

RORSCHACH: "Working in a nuclear power plant for dummies" ? You mean I'm stupid ?

LISA: No, no, of course no. The title of the collection, "for dummies", just means everyone can understand, there was no offense meant. You're already reading the index ? Good. What are you looking for exactly ?

RORSCHACH: How to avoid a meltdown.

**Sector 7-G**

Rorschach is sat on a chair reading "Working in a nuclear power-plant for dummies."

BURNS: You, the Polak ! What is this sign doing here ?

RORSCHACH: It means you can't eat that donut.

BURNS: What ?

RORSCHACH: You meant the one saying "The end is nigh" ? Thought you were talking of the "Homer's donut" one.

BURNS: I was precisely talking about it. You're referring to the so-called nuclear menace ?

RORSCHACH: Yes.

BURNS: Well, listen you bloody hippie, you're getting rid of this insult to my beloved power-plant immediately !

RORSCHACH (who has suddenly stood up and looks rather angry): Don't-ever-call-me-hippie !

BURNS: Please don't hit me !

RORSCHACH: And I've never said your power-plant was a threat.

BURNS: Oh yes ? Then, what does that apocalyptic message means ?

RORSCHACH: Nothing, just a way to keep in mind that a single mistake could trigger a catastrophe.

BURNS: Oh, I see. Well, a cautious employee is a good employee. Good job. You know, I've been wondering who would be the next employee of the month, and I think I found him: you. And the employee of the month gets something more from the boss, you know ?

RORSCHACH: A raise ?

BURNS: Ah, ah ! You're really funny Kovacs ! A pay raise, no. Something much better: giving an old man like me satisfaction. Now, get back to work !

Burns leaves.

RORSCHACH: Rotten old scrooge !

Homer comes back.

HOMER: Hi Rorschach. Oops, sorry, I forgot it's Walter at work ! You didn't touch my donut, right ?

RORSCHACH: Hurm. No, still there. You ate my sugar cubes ?

HOMER (eating one of the sugar cubes in question): Nope.

Rorschach takes back the pack of sugar cubes.

ALARM: Attention, attention ! Imminent meltdown !

RORSCHACH: Don't touch anything, Homer, I'll handle it.

HOMER: Okay.

Homer just sits down, seeming happy someone else does his work.

RORSCHACH (looking into the book, in which we can see lots of bookmarks): Hurm. Meltdown, meltdown... Found.

He presses one button.

ALARM: Meltdown avoided. Have a nice day !

HOMER: Wow. How did you do that without singing ?

RORSCHACH: Just read the book. You should do so. Homer, are you listening ?

Inside Homer's head: the pig from the movie as batman with the musical theme of the series with Adam West.

HOMER: Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na Bat Pig ! Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na Bat Pig ! Bat Pig, Bat Pig !

Rorschach just rolls his eyes.

**End of this chapter, I hope you enjoyed it, I would really like to know what you think of it.**

**Concerning Lisa's explanation of nuclear physics to Rorschach, I took the text from an article on nuclear reactor physics on Wikipedia, I don't know if the article is accurate and if it's not I apologize to those who know something about science and physics, which is absolutely not my case.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **

**LISA: Hello, I am Lisa Simpson (Bart elbows her and clears his throat). Ow ! And this is my brother, Bart. We're here to tell you who Rorschach belongs to...**

**BART:… me, he's my friend.**

**LISA: No Bart, you don't own him, it's Alan Moore who does, the same for _Watchmen. _Oh, and I precise that by "owning someone" we mean "created" this person, we encourage in no way slavery !**

**BART: Bla, bla, bla...**

**LISA (frowning at her brother): Bart, don't you have something more interesting to say to the readers ?**

**BART: Yes. Lisa stinks.**

**LISA: No idiot ! Something else.**

**BART: What ? Oh yeah. the one who created us is Matt Groening. Hey ! Does that mean Homer is not our Dad ?**

**LISA: No Bart, it means he created all the characters in Springfield.**

**BART: What , You mean he's God ?**

**LISA: Er... from a certain point of view, in a way yes. And the most important, the author swears she doesn't get paid on this.**

**BART: What ? No money ? She said she would pay us for appearing in the show !**

**LISA: Well, looks like we've been tricked, Bart.**

**From the author now: Finally back, sorry for posting that late but I had some things ti correct before posting it.**

**Enjoy and tell me what you think about it, please !**

**Chapter 5:**

**Nuclear Power Plant, sector G7**

Homer and the others are eating donuts.

HOMER (speaking as he's eating): Hey Walter, where you're going ?

RORSCHACH: Getting some coffee. Don't touch the sugar cubes.

HOMER: Don't worry (Rorschach leaves). Who does he think I am ?

Homer eats the sugar cubes after checking if Walter has gone for good.

**Corridor**

RORSCHACH: The last coffee machine, let's hope it will work this time.

He tries to make it work but it doesn't, even when he kicks in.

RORSCHACH: Hurm. No coffee. Better go before Homer eats all the sugar cubes.

He passes near Burns' office. The phone rings in Burns' office.

BURNS (he can be heard behind the door): Hallo ?

Rorschach begins to listen through the door.

**Inside Burns' office**

BURNS: Yes ? Yes. Don't worry, your involvement in my (his voice sounds suddenly evil) evil scheme will be rewarded tonight in 5 Charlton street, Downtown Springfield this night.

He hangs u the phone

**Corridor**

RORSCHACH (to himself as he walks away): Downtown Springfield, 5 Charlton Street. Now I know where to patrol.

**Sector G7**

Rorschach opens the door, Homer wakes up and acts as if he was working.

HOMER: Hey ? What ? ARG ! Wasn't sleeping, just resting my eyes !

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Just me, Homer.

HOMER: Walter ? Pffiou ! For one minute I feared it was Mr Burns, always says I'm a fat lazy good for nothing. Can you believe it ? (alarm signaling their day of work is over) Yoohoo ! Another hard day's work ends !

RORSCHACH: A hard day's work ? For me yes, it's been a hard day's work, the job consisting mainly in making sure you don't blow up the damn city ! It's because of fat, lazy, stupid people like you Homer that this country has fallen so low !

HOMER: So, you're mad at me ?

RORSCHACH (silent some minutes, wondering if Homer is joking): No, I just screamed, but except that I'm not mad at you, not at all.

HOMER: Oh, so everything is fine.

RORSCHACH: Homer, did you ever heard about something called irony ?

Homer doesn't seem to listen and he's thinking about a monkey dancing ballet.

RORSCHACH: Homer ?

HOMER: Hi, hi, monkey... What did you say ?

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Forget it. Gotta go.

HOMER: You're not coming at Moe's ?

RORSCHACH: No... Wait, isn't this hellhole just near the slums of Springfield ? Not far from Charlton Street perhaps ?

HOMER: Yes, Charlton Street is just two blocks away from Moe's. So, you're coming ?

RORSCHACH: Yes.

HOMER: Woohoo ! I just ask Lenny and Carl to come and we go !

He runs towards the exit, but Rorschach asks him something.

RORSCHACH: Homer, just to be sure. You don't wonder why I asked you all this details earlier ?

HOMER: Asked me what, when ? Can I go now ? (Rorschach nods, looking particularly exasperated) See you later !

**In Homer's car**

Homer is driving, Carl is near Homer, Lenny and Rorschach are behind.

LENNY: Hey Walter, what's inside the briefcase ? Some work to do ? You've got it on you all day and I didn't see you even open it...

He tries to open it but Rorschach catches his hand before he could reach it.

RORSCHACH: It's personal !

LENNY: Okay, okay, I won't touch it but please let it go, you're hurting me !

**Moe's Tavern**

HOMER: Hi Moe !

MOE: Hi Homer and... Walter, that's it ? Hey where are you going ?

RORSCHACH: Got to visit bathroom.

LENNY: Why not letting here your briefcase ? We could keep it for you.

He goes into the toilets with the briefcase.

MOE: He's already going to the toilets ? He didn't even drink !

HOMER: Well, too bad bad for him.

He drinks Rorschach's beer.

CARL: Hey Lenny, why you wanna see so much what's inside his briefcase ?

LENNY: I'm just curious. Not you, Homer ?

HOMER: Who cares ? Must be nothing interesting in this briefcase.

**Moe's Tavern bathroom**

Rorschach locks the door, opens the briefcase to check if the costume is still inside by getting the mask out and putting it on, goes into the only toilet to change himself, and goes out in uniform. He goes outside through the window.

**The Slums of Springfield**

A thief appears suddenly from an alleyway and threatens Rorschach with a knife.

THIEF: Hey freak, your money or your life ! AAARG !

RORSCHACH (who just keeps walking as if nothing happened after breaking the man's arm): Consider yourself lucky I'm after bigger fishes that night, or it would have got worst for you.

**5 Charlton Street**

Two cars stops, Mr Burns and Smithers come out from one whereas two mafiosi, Legs and Louie (the two henchmen of Fat Tony), come out from the other, Rorschach, hidden in a nearby alleyway, spies them.

LEGS: Do you have the wallet ?

BURNS: Smithers !

Smithers opens the wallet, revealing money inside

BURNS: Here's your wallet. So will you help me in my sinister plans ?

LEGS: For such a generosity, Fat Tony will help you with pleasure.

BURNS: Well, we have a deal then. Good evening gentlemen. Smithers, we're going back home !

They each go into their cars and leave the place.

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Can't follow the car. Still go the car registration number of the car and a name, Fat Tony. Probably some mob-boss. No crime, better come back, even if these drunk idiots probably didn't even notice I disappeared.

**Moe's tavern**

MOE: Hey Homer, your new friend, Walter, he's been in man-room for two hours. What's up with him ?

HOMER: He, he ! Probably all the beans he's eaten.

BARNEY: He's still in the bathroom ? Where did I do my business then ?

LENNY: Moe, did you spike Barney's coffee ?

CARL: It's not cool. He's been sober again for two days !

MOE: Oh, just a little.

Barney's pants ends up on Lenny's head, his shirt ends up on Carl's head and his underwear ends up on Moe's head. We can hear Barney singing and slamming the door.

MOE: Okay, a lot. But I don't think I deserve the underwear for this (thinks about it). Well, maybe I do.

HOMER (laughing noisily): Ha, ha, ha, ha ! Walter sure doesn't know what he's missing !

**Behind Moe's tavern**

Rorschach is back from his patrol and is about to go into the bathroom by the window, when a naked Barney ran in front of him.

BARNEY: Hello mister Walking Inkblots Test ! BURP !

He shakes his head before getting in by the window.

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Good thing he's drunk. No one is gonna believe him if he ever speaks.

**Moe's tavern**

Rorschach reappears in civil clothes.

HOMER: Walter, finally come back ! You've missed Barney, he's went drunk again, that was awesome !

RORSCHACH: Hope you had fun, 'cause it's time to go.

He drags Homer out by the collar.

MOE: Well, goodbye Homer and er... Homer's crazy new friend.

**Outside of Moe's tavern in Homer's car**

RORSCHACH (pushing Homer on the other seat and taking the driver-seat for himself): Not the driver-seat Homer ! Too drunk.

HOMER: Wow ! A New-Yorker who can drive !

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Never drove a car before but drove the owlship once, must be pretty much the same.

He remembers this drive.

_Flashback in New-York_

We can see the owlship falling into the Hudson after zigzagging in the sky.

RORSCHACH (on the driver-seat): Daniel ? Daniel, you're okay ?

NITE OWL (shaking from terror and holding on his seat tightly): F... Fine. Not bad for a first lesson Rorschach.

RORSCHACH: I guess we're going back to the owl-nest then ?

NITE OWL: NO ! I meant no, I prefer to drive myself.

_End of the flashback_

RORSCHACH: Wasn't a bad driver for what I remember.

He starts up but goes backwards too fast. Lenny and Carl are looking at it.

CARL: Twenty bucks they end in the hospital.

LENNY: Okay, thirty on the Springfield gorge.

**Evergreen Terrace**

Homer's car going too fast runs over Flander's mailbox.

RORSCHACH: Hurm, still difficulties to slow down.

HOMER: Eh, eh ! Right on stupid Flanders' mailbox !

The Flanders come out.

NED: Hi-Dilly-Ho-Dilly neighborino !

HOMER: Shut up Flanders !

NED: Are you all right ?

RORSCHACH (bewildered): What did you just said ?

NED: Well, you had a car incident, sir, it's normal I care about your condition. What is your name by the way ?

RORSCHACH: Walter Kovacs.

NED: Then, welcome to Evergreen Terrace my friend ! Rod ! Todd, bring the welcome muffins and chocolates for Mr Kovacs !

RORSCHACH: You're not... mad at me for devastating your garden and run over your mailbox ?

NED: Not at all ! Do you want some coffee ? Mr Kovacs ? Hello ?

Rorschach doesn't react and looks at Ned as if he was an alien.

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Gonna move the car from the garden.

NED: Nice from you.

**The Simpsons' house**

Homer and Rorschach comes out from the car, they enter in the house.

HOMER (eating Flander's muffins and chocolates): Loosy, stupid Flanders !

RORSCHACH: Ned Flanders... Already seen that name before...

He looks at a camera, a lamp, a wii and many other things with "property of Ned Flanders" written on each of them.

RORSCHACH: What are all your neighbor's belongings doing there ?

HOMER: Whose stuff ?

As Rorschach is talking to him, he's using a cellphone with "property of Ned Flanders" on, Rorschach takes it off his hands briskly.

RORSCHACH: You're gonna return all this.

HOMER: No way. Finder, keeper.

RORSCHACH: You're gonna return all this to your neighbor, or...

HOMER (looking worry): Or what ?

RORSCHACH: You don't want to know. Believe me.

HOMER (gulping): Alright, I'll return everything to Flanders but don't hit me, please !

**Flanders' house**

Ned hears the doorbell and goes to open, Homer, looking like he really doesn't want to be here, Rorschach is next to him.

NED (half asleep): YAWN, Homer ? What are you doing on my doorstep at 4 AM. ?

HOMER: Er hi stup... (Rorschach glares at him), er, hi Flanders. I come to give you back all the stuff I didn't return you for all these years.

We see in the garden a lot of stuff.

NED: Oh that ? No need, these are all presents.

HOMER: Oh yeah ? So I can keep it (he tries to go but Rorschach keeps him from doing so). Er, no, I... (to himself) Gnn, I can't believe I'm saying that ! (aloud) I really wish to give you back your stuff.

NED: Homer, are you sure you're doing this willingly ? No one forces you to do so ?

HOMER (embarrassed laugh while he looks at Rorschach): Eh, eh ! What makes you think that ?

RORSCHACH: Just take your damn things back !

NED: Okie didly !

**Simpsons' house, the morning**

BART: Homer, why does the house seems so empty ?

HOMER: This mad comic-book movie cape forced me to give everything back to stupid Flanders !

LISA: Dad, he doesn't wear a cape but a trench-coat.

HOMER (sulking): Yeah, whatever.

BART (muttering) Er Homer, Rorschach is just behind you.

HOMER: Arg ! (He tuns back quickly and begs for mercy, eyes closed) Please, please, please, don't kill me ! I was just joking, just joking ! (he opens his eyes and sees there's no one) Hey, wait a minute !

He turns towards Bart.

BART: Ah, ah, ah, ah ! Got you !

HOMER (strangling his son): Oh, you little...

BART: Aaarg ! Aaarg !

Rorschach, who's just arrived, see what Homer is doing and strangles him, which doesn't stop Homer from strangling Bart.

LISA: Mum ! Dad is strangling Bart again and Rorschach is strangling Dad !

MARGE (coming out of the kitchen): Oh dear, I'm getting the frying pan immediately.

She goes back in the kitchen.

LISA: Just don't hit Dad too strong this time, and make it quick, Dad is becoming violet.

RORSCHACH: Homer, you stop strangling your son, you breath, you keep doing it, you'll suffocate before him. What do you say about it ?

HOMER: Okay but please, stop it ! Aaaarg !

RORSCHACH: Stop it first and I'll let you breathe (he releases Homer after he released Bart). A little more and you ended up with a voice like mine Bart.

BART: What ? You got _that voice_ (he imitates Rorschach saying "that voice") because you were strangled ?

RORSCHACH: Yes, as a child.

_Flashback_

**Sylvia Kovacs' apartment, just after the client Walter has seen her with left**

WALTER: Mum... I thought he was hurting you. Please, don't...

SYLVIA (strangling her son just like Homer does with Bart): I should have had that abortion ! You little...

WALTER: Aaarg ! Aaarg !

_End of the flashback_

RORSCHACH: And that's how I ended up sounding that way.

BART: Cool ! I want to have the same voice when I'm grown up (Lisa crosses her arms and looks at him as if she was saying: "Are you kidding me ?") Hey, it could happen eventually. Can you strangle me again, Dad ?

RORSCHACH: Never seen such a messed-up family before.

MARGE: I finally found the frying pan ! Oh, I see it's useless. Glad you resolved your problems like adults this time.

LISA: Like adults is not really the word Mum.

MARGE: Well, they stopped fighting anyway.

**That's all for the moment.**

**About Rorschach's behavior towards Flanders I made him react that way because I think it would really surprised him a lot to see someone being that nice to him since he's not used to this at all, especially after he ruined the property of the person in question.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:**

**HOMER: Hello viewers ! We're here for the... how is it called again ?**

**RORSCHACH: Disclaimer.**

**HOMER: Oh. What is it ? **

**RORSCHACH (rolling his eyes under the mask): Hurm. Just shut up and let me do this. The author wants you to know she didn't created us, which is obvious, really.**

**HOMER: What ? Who created us then ?**

**RORSCHACH: During my investigations I found out that you were created by some Matt Groening, the creator of the _Simpsons_, and you already know who created me.**

**HOMER: Who ?**

**RORSCHACH: Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, the creators of _Watchmen_.**

**HOMER: Oh, and who's getting paid for this ?**

**RORSCHACH: To inflict us suffering and humiliations ? The ones I've just talked about, the author of this fanfiction does it for free. Probably a sign of mental illness. Must investigate further.**

**HOMER:Can I investigate with you ? Can I ? Can I ?**

**RORSCHACH: No (to the author). How many chapters again ? You don't know ? Hurm.**

**HOMER: So you're gonna stay ?**

**RORSCHACH: I hope no.**

**Sorry I've not been updating for a while but during this summer I had no internet and not much time to write, this year I don't know if I'll update often, with the college and so on, but I'll try.**

**Chapter 6:**

**Simpson's living-room at night**

Rorschach is in costume, but hasn't his mask.

RORSCHACH: All asleep, time to go (he reaches his pocket to take off his mask but doesn't find it). Where's my face ?

He sees Maggie walking and falling as usual.

RORSCHACH: How did you get there ? Hey, what is this ?

He tries to reach what he thinks was some kind of cuddly blanket but it appears that it is his mask.

RORSCHACH (extending his hand): Give it to me.

Maggie doesn't obey and even steps backwards so that he can't have it

RORSCHACH (insisting): Come on, Maggie.

The vigilante grabs his mask but Maggie doesn't let it go, he tries again pulling a little harder and finally snatch it from Maggie who begins to cry and drops her pacifier, as Rorschach put on his mask.

RORSCHACH (putting back the pacifier in Maggie's mouth quickly but she spits it and cries again): Stop crying. Listen, you seem to like guns, don't you ? (she nods and stop crying) So here's a deal (he takes the grappling-hook out of his coat), I give you that and you stop crying (she tries to grab the gun, but Rorschach lifts it). Hold on (he clicks on something on the grappling-hook and then gives it to the girl). Safety on, here you go.

He then brings back Maggie into her room.

RORSCHACH (as he closes the door): The safety-button Dan put on this thing comes out useful finally. Hope I won't have to use the gun.

Rorschach comes downstairs and walks without making any noise and he's about to open the basement's door. Suddenly, the light is lit up and Homer appears, eating Chantilly.

HOMER (dribbling): Hmmm... Chantilly... Hi ! What are you doing ?

RORSCHACH: Going on patrol.

HOMER: You mean doing hero-stuff ?

RORSCHACH: You can say so. Can't talk more, got to go.

HOMER (stamping on his feet like a kid around Rorschach) Oooh ! Can I come with you ? Can I ? Say yes, pleaaaase !

RORSCHACH: Homer, can't bother myself with a civilian.

HOMER: Hey ! I used to be a hero like you, remember !

RORSCHACH (exasperated): Oh right... what was the name ?

HOMER (theatrical pose): PIEMAN !

RORSCHACH: Sounds stupid.

HOMER: See the costume before saying that. To the Pie-cave !

RORSCHACH (sighs then follows Homer): Hurm.

**Simpson's house, the basement**

HOMER: TA-DAAA ! Here is the Pie-cave !

RORSCHACH: Homer, that's just the basement. Was coming in anyway, found a tunnel leading to the city, just behind this ugly thing.

HOMER: I know, I used it when I was a masked hero (Rorschach has opened the secret passage leading to the tunnel by pushing one eye of the Olmec head and is about to go inside but Homer stands in his way). Can you just wait a minute, please ? Just the time I show you my costume.

RORSCHACH: You promise to leave if I accept ? (Homer nods). Hurm, just one minute then.

HOMER: Yoohoo !

He goes behind a curtain and comes back in the Pieman's suit.

HOMER: Behold, Pieman ! So what do you think about it ?

RORSCHACH: Ridiculous. You're not coming.

HOMER: Pleaaaaase !

RORSCHACH: No.

**Springfield at night**

Rorschach is in the street, he hears something and looks back, he walks towards an alleyway behind him and sees Homer in Pieman's suit who's hiding (badly) behind a garbage can.

RORSCHACH: You're coming anyway, aren't you ?

HOMER: Yep.

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Fine, but be silent.

**Later**

HOMER: NA-NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA-NA PIEMAN ! NA-NA-NA-NA NA-NA-NA-NA PIEMAN ! PIEMAN, PIEMAN !

RORSCHACH: Homer ! You shut up or you go home, got it ?

HOMER (looking at his feet): Yes sir.

He hums the song instead but stops when Rorschach turns towards him briskly.

**Still in Springfield most dangerous parts**

HOMER: I'm hungry and thirsty !

RORSCHACH: Should have thought of it before coming.

Rorschach is still walking, not looking at Homer, the fat vigilante sees a hot-dog (a very dirty-looking one) tied to a thread:

HOMER (dribbles): Hmmm... hot-dog... Rhaaaa...

The hot-dog moves away, Homer decides to follow it.

He eats it. Three hobos-looking spring out from the shades and charge at Homer.

HOBO 1: Hey ! That's not a dog !

HOBO 2: Not even a cat !

HOBO 3: And he ate our bait !

HOBO 1: Let's eat him !

HOBO 2: Becoming cannibals ? Are we really that desperate ?

HOBO 3: Look at this fatty ! There must be food for a month at least. Yumm ! (he licks his lips)

HOMER: Aaaarg ! Help me !

Suddenly, one of the men gets a stone in the front and Bart in Rorschach's costume, his catapult loaded, and Lisa wearing a black domino mask and black pants and shirt. They fight the three guys who run away.

BART: Eat my shorts, suckers !

HOMER: Rorschach ? That can't be you, you were not that little !

BART: Hey ! I am Rorschach !

RORSCHACH: Hurm.

BART: Liz, he's just behind me that's it ?

LISA (sarcastically): What do you think ?

HOBO 2 (prisoner of Rorschach): See ? I wasn't lying, these are the kids that attacked us. Is the boy just dressed like you your son ? OW ! You promised you wouldn't break my fingers !

RORSCHACH: Don't remember that. And he's not my son.

He knocks the hobo senseless.

LISA: Rorschach !

RORSCHACH: Just unconscious, not dead.

HOMER: He's not your son ? Why is he wearing your costume then ?

The others remain silent one minute.

RORSCHACH: He can't be that stupid. Don't tell me he can't recognize you.

BART: You really think he can't be that stupid ?

LISA: Bart, he's still new in the family, he needs more time to get used to it.

RORSCHACH: Thanks for the help kids but you can't stay. Can't take children with me.

HOMER: Yeah ! Go back home immediately and let the grown-up to their business !

RORSCHACH: You would let you own kids go home alone in these streets ?

HOMER: Er... (Rorschach glares at him) Eh, eh ! Of course not ! So, this means we go back home with them ?

RORSCHACH: No, you go home with them.

HOMER: And what about crime-fighting ? I thought we were a team !

LISA: By the way, how did this happen to Dad if you were looking after him ?

RORSCHACH: I thought he finally get back home.

BART: Well, I am Rorschach and I'm not going back home (Rorschach glares at him). Er... Kid-Rorschach ? Rorschach Jr ? Rorschach Lad ?

LISA: The Stain ?

BART: Hey ! You can talk, _Masked Girl_.

LISA: I know it's not original, but at least I didn't steal someone else's name.

BART: What about _El Barto _?

RORSCHACH: They'll never find out who you are...

BART: Thanks dude !

LISA: Bart, he was ironic.

BART: And yet, I've paint this name on the walls for years and they never found out.

RORSCHACH: Don't care, you're going home anyway.

BART: But...

LISA: Come Bart (she mutters while they're leaving with Homer). Dad won't make it without us.

BART: Who cares ? (she punches him in the ribs) OW !

RORSCHACH (muttering to himself while he's walking in the opposite direction): Good riddance ! What a pain this Homer, unable to defend himself from mere hobos and... and he's with the kids. They're not safe with him, can't let them alone. Wait, I come back with you.

BART: Why ?

RORSCHACH: For your safety.

HOMER: Yes, we bring you home and then daddy and Rorschach will come back kicking villains' ass.

RORSCHACH: Homer, you don't understand. You're not coming back with me.

HOMER: Why ?

RORSCHACH: 'Cause you're incompetent.

HOMER: You really mean that ? Of course not, you must be kidding.

RORSCHACH: Homer, you're lucky I don't consider stupidity as a crime, so far.

They keep walking, then Rorschach sees Fat Tony and his gang. He motioned to the Simpson to stop walking, then they all hide in an alleyway and watch the mafiosi.

FAT TONY (after putting something in his car): Gentlemen, let's go home with the bribe money we've taken from the merchants.

LEGS: And the drugs money, boss.

FAT TONY: Oh yes, I've almost forgotten.

In the alleyway.

LISA: We're not going home anymore I guess ?

RORSCHACH: You guessed right.

BART: Yeah !

RORSCHACH: I've seen two of them with Burns. Too bad I couldn't get more information about them before attacking.

HOMER: Oh, that's just Fat Tony.

RORSCHACH: You know a boss-mob ?

HOMER: Oh yeah, he tried to kill me when I created my own militia.

BART: I worked for him as a barman.

LISA: I am the only one in the family who's not connected to the mafia. Wait, don't !

Rorschach leaves the alleyway and walks towards the mafiosi.

LOUIE: Hey, it's a little early for Halloween, you know !

LEGS: Move away weirdo !

Rorschach catches Fat Tony from behind, the others point their guns at him but he uses Fat Tony as a human shield.

RORSCHACH: What's in this car ?

FAT TONY: Nothing, only pizzas

RORSCHACH: Then ask them to open. Now.

One of Fat Tony's men is coming with a gun in Rorschach's back.

Bart and Lisa from their hiding place.

LISA: Oh no, he's coming behind him ! We have to do something, quick !

BART: Where's Homer ?

LISA: I think he wants to help.

Homer is walking towards the mafiosi.

BART (he slaps his forehead with his hand): D'Oh !

HOMER: Looks like a job for Pieman !

He throws the pie, aiming at the guy coming behind Rorschach but Rorschach gets the the pie in the face instead and falls, slipping on the jam that had fallen from the pie. He accidentally let Fat Tony go, he aims a gun at Rorschach just like the others.

FAT TONY: Hey fatty, thanks for the pie !

HOMER: D'Oh ! Sorry Rorschach I just wanted to help. Oh, oh.

Fat Tony aims a gun at him.

FAT TONY: So, I'll kill the two of you.

LISA: Not so fast !

The mafiosi look back, Bart hits one of them in the head with his catapult where Lisa kicks another one in the family jewels but they're both caught by Fat Tony from behind.

FAT TONY: Well, well, well. Halloween definitely starts early this year.

RORSCHACH (from behind): Release the kids. Now.

FAT TONY (looking back): You ? How did you escaped my men ?

RORSCHACH: The idiots went distracted by the kids. Punched them.

Tony sees his men lying down and Homer eating a pie, one of the men is getting on his feet back and is about to shoot Rorschach, who shows him his back, but he slips on one of Homer's pie and the shot goes above Rorschach's head.

They all look back.

HOMER: Hey, one of my pies saved your life. So, what were you saying about my superhero's abilities ?

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Just been lucky.

FAT TONY (after releasing the kids and raising his arms): Don't hit me, I surrender. See ? I've even released the kids (Bart kicks him in the knee). OW ! You're not supposed to hit someone when he surrender !

LISA: He's right Bart, stop it (to Rorschach and Homer). You're the adults, you're supposed to tell him what's right and wrong.

RORSCHACH: Hurm. You're right. You're doing it the wrong way, Bart. Do it this way, next time (he kicks Fat Tony in the knee but it seems more painful this time). Your foot hurts less and his knee hurts more.

HOMER: Yes, and don't forget to kick in the family jewels, son.

BART: Thanks for the advices !

LISA: Am I the only one to find this kind of behavior shocking here ?

BART: Pretty much, yeah.

All the others, even Fat Tony, agree, Lisa looks pissed.

Later, they've tied up together the gangsters.

RORSCHACH: Know you're in business with Burns. Tell me what he's planning and you'll live.

FAT TONY: Burns ? I don't know anyone named Burns. Do you guys ?

LEGS: No boss.

BART (getting in the car): Let's see what there is in a Mob-boss' car.

LISA: Bart, don't touch anything.

He finds a wallet.

BART: Ay Caramba ! A wallet ! There must be millions in there !

RORSCHACH: A wallet ?

He takes the wallet from Bart and is about to open it in front of everyone.

HOMER: Woohoo ! We're gonna be stinky rich !

Rorschach opens the wallet.

HOMER: D'Oh ! Only thousands of dollars, I won't be a billionaire !

BART: Better than nothing Dad.

RORSCHACH (to the gangsters): Seen you receiving this wallet from Burns, except there was more money. Guess you used most of it for Burns' plan. What is Burns up to ? Answer or...

A pie explodes on Fat Tony's face before Rorschach could end his phrase.

HOMER: … Or we'll throw pies at your face over and over ! Ah, ah ! Take that, and that !

He throws a lot of pies at the mobsters, Rorschach finally stops him.

RORSCHACH: Homer, you're ruining everything ! It's an interrogatory, it's supposed to be serious.

HOMER: Aw, just one last pie ! It's so funny. Pleaaaaase !

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Just one then.

FAT TONY: Please, tell your friend to stop throwing pies at us and we'll tell you everything !

LOUIE: The cream is burning my eye !

LEGS: I hope there was no blueberry cream in this one, I'm allergic (his face swells and becomes red). Oh crap !

HOMER: So, what were you saying about my interrogation method ?

RORSCHACH: Shut up (to Fat Tony). Why Burns gave you all that money ? Speak !

FAT TONY: He wanted us to offer him nitroglycerine, dynamites and explosives, lots of it. He didn't tell us what he intended to do with all that, I swear !

HOMER: I can throw them another pie if you want.

The mobsters seem afraid.

BART: No. Do the fingers-thing, please !

LISA: No !

FAT TONY: We've told you everything we know, I swear !

LOUIE: Please, no more pie.

LEGS: Yeah, I prefer having my fingers broken rather than this.

**Springfield's streets**

They are on their way home.

LISA: And I say you shouldn't have let them tied up !

RORSCHACH: They didn't get their fingers or anything broken. Looks good enough to me.

LISA: And why taking their money ? Isn't that a theft ?

RORSCHACH: Stealing from thieves isn't stealing.

HOMER: Lisa, stop annoying our guest for bringing a lot of money !

BART: So, what are you gonna do with it ?

RORSCHACH: Something good for all of us.

BART: What do you mean ?

RORSCHACH: Getting rid of the two witches.

HOMER: Sweet.

He imagines himself in a tank shooting at Patty and Selma.

LISA: And about Mr Burns, what are yo doing ?

RORSCHACH: Just learned he's planning on blowing up something, must investigate further.

HOMER: With my help it will be a piece of cake to stop Burns, or more exactly a piece of pie. MWA AH AH AH ! A piece of pie ! You get the joke ? AH AH AH !

RORSCHACH: Very funny Homer. But you're not coming again.

HOMER: Why ?

RORSCHACH: Perhaps because you're inefficient and stupid ?

HOMER: Hey ! One of my pies saved your life !

RORSCHACH: And without it I would have need any help in the first place.

LISA: Could you stop arguing five minutes please ? We should rather hurry, Bart and I are going to school and you to work in two hours.

BART (on a sarcastic tone): Oh yes, it would be so terrible to miss school !

**The Simpson's house**

They're all in normal clothes, waiting for breakfast.

MARGE: Good morning, nice to see you all awoken. Rorschach, I think Maggie took it from you (she hands him the grappling-hook). You should be more careful with your belongings, you know ? (she looks at Bart, Lisa ans Homer) Oh my, you look tired ! What have you done that night ?

ALL OF THEM: Nothing.

**The Olmec head in the Simpsons' basement is from the episode 22 of season 2 "Blood Feud", it was Burns' present to the family to thank Bart for giving him his blood, I thought it would be a good gate to hide a tunnel. The idea of the tunnel came of course of _Watchmen_ with Nite Owl's tunnel.**

**As for Homer, he's indeed been a superhero in "Simple Simpson", the episode 19 of season 15, Pieman.**

**Concerning Rorschach's behavior with Maggie at the beginning, I know it may seem strange he acts so nice with her but remember she is a baby, so he doesn't behave with her like he does with adults, and, like everyone, he tends to underestimate a baby's strength (I'm telling it from personal experience I had with my baby-cousin when I had to take away from her her cuddly blanket because it was dirty and she put that in her mouth, in the end I had her let it go like Rorschach did and gave her something in return, not a gun of course (anyway we can't have a gun in France) but some toy.**

**About the grappling-hook, it was because I felt a little concerned after writing it about the danger could present this thing for a kid (even if the Simpsons is a comical and absurd show) that I had the idea of the safety-button.**

**I hope you enjoyed it and please tell me what you think about it, it's important for me, and don't hesitate to point my mistakes in English, it would help too.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:**

**Blue-haired lawyer: I'm here to present you the disclaimer of this fanfiction, thus following the rules of the website , in order to prove you that my client, let's name her "Charafi" since she's refused to reveal her real name but it doesn't seem illegal on this site so let's forget about it, is not the creator of the characters and the universes of _Watchmen_ and the _Simpsons_ that are the legal properties of Mr Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons for the first and Matt Groening for the second, and she gains no remuneration for it. Now you're authorized to read it.**

**_To the author:_ Speaking of remuneration, what about my fees ? Hey ! Where are you running like that ? Come back at once ! If you don't pay me right now, I'll see you in court and not as your lawyer I can guarantee it !**

**Hello, sorry for making you wait that long but I had a lot of work to do and wasn't satisfied with my first versions for this chapter, but here it is with a new character: Abraham Simpson. !**

**Enjoy and don't forget to let a review !**

**Chapter 7:**

**Homer and Marge's bedroom**

Rorschach is going through Homer and Marge's room and creates a big mess doing so, Bart arrives right at this moment.

BART: Hi dude, looking for what ? Crime evidences ? That's Mum's undergarments drawer by the way.

RORSCHACH (after closing the drawer briskly): Looking for the money I confiscated from the mobsters, wasn't where I left it. And don't call me dude.

BART: Okay dude, can I help ?

RORSCHACH (noticing Bart has two bags full of comics and Krusty products): How did you buy all this ?

BART: How did... Hey ! How dare you accuse me ? I would have never stolen anything from you ! I respects you, okay mainly fear you, too much for that.

LISA (who's just arrived): Bart, did you go through my room ? You went through Mum and Dad's room too ?

BART: No I didn't, he did (he points at Rorschach). Why does everyone keep accusing me of everything in this house ? You, Rorschach...

LISA: Rorschach accused you ? Of what ?

BART: Of stealing the money he's stolen...

RORSCHACH: Confiscated.

BART: … alright, confiscated from Fat Tony, to buy all these toys.

RORSCHACH: And you keep denying it.

LISA: He didn't steal the money.

RORSCHACH: How do you know that ?

LISA: I've seen him stealing Dad's wallet before going to the comic-books store.

RORSCHACH: Homer ! Why didn't I thought of it earlier ? Stupid.

He leaves the room and goes downstairs.

BART: Thank you for apologizing, Rory ! You shouldn't, really !

LISA: You're calling him that because you're sure he won't hear you, don't you ?

BART: No, he's just left before I could tell it to his face. I'm going downstairs, don't wanna miss the show, you're coming Liz ?

LISA: Okay, but just to prevent him from hurting Dad.

**The living-room**

Homer is sat on the couch, watching a football match on TV.

HOMER: Come on, come on ! Win, you stupids ! I've bet so much on you ! (the TV screen suddenly goes black). _Aaaarg ! _Who's the dumbass who's turned off the TV ?

He looks back and sees Rorschach with the TV remote in one hand.

RORSCHACH: Me. Where's the money, Homer ?

HOMER: What money ?

RORSCHACH: The money taken from the mobsters.

HOMER: Oh, that money. Well, I don't know, I swear.

RORSCHACH: Can make you talk, remember ?

BART: Do the finger-thing, do the finger-thing !

LISA: Bart ! Rorschach, stop it ! Dad, tell him where the money is if you know it, please !

HOMER: Why would I ? He will spend everything for Patty and Selma !

RORSCHACH: So you admit you've stolen it. Now tell me where it is.

HOMER: I don't remember.

RORSCHACH: Why did you do that, Homer ? Thought you wanted the two witches out too.

HOMER: Yes, but I don't want to spend all that money for them.

RORSCHACH: Listen, gotta pay that exterminator so that they go back home. Only way I found to get rid of them without hurting them. So, for the last time, tell me where...

Suddenly Ralph appears right between Homer and Rorschach.

RALPH: Hello Mr Kovacs, hello Lisa's Daddy. Hi Lisa !

LISA: It's getting worse and worse.

BART: Hey Liz, here's your boyfriend !

LISA: Bart !

BART: Hey Rorschach, did you know my sister used to be the Silk Specter as a school-monitor, in the team where Me and Ralphie here were too, funny isn't it ?

LISA: Shut up !

Lisa attacks Bart, they start fighting. The others don't pay attention.

RORSCHAHC (to Ralph): What are you doing here ? And please, put on some clothe on

RALPH (underpants with the happy little elves on magically appear): I just wanted to know when you come back to school. You're the nicest teacher I've ever had and I wanna know what happened to the elves.

HOMER: What's with the elves ?

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Not again... Wasn't a teacher, just a monitor. And for the last time, I've never said anything about elves. Now go away.

RALPH: But I wanna know what happened to the elves !

RORSCHACH: You little... Just go.

HOMER: Walter, you know. Maybe if you told him what happened to the bloody elves he would go (Rorschach glares at Homer and growls). Nevermind.

RALPH: Why is he so grumpy ?

HOMER: Because he wants to get rid of my wicked sisters-in-law by paying the exterminator so that he can get their apartment rid of the cockroaches. But I refuse to help these two witches !

RALPH: If I get rid of the bugs will you tell me what happened to the elves ?

RORSCHACH (not paying much attention): Yeah, sure. (to Homer) Now tell me where you hid... What the… !

He looks at his feet and sees that many cockroaches have invaded the living-room.

HOMER: Oh my God ! Oh my God ! (he jumps on the couch) Please don't eat me, I have kids ! Eat them instead !

BART AND LISA: Hem, hem !

He looks back and sees them on the top of the couch, just like him, looking furious.

LISA: Ralph get us rid of these things !

RALPH: Where do I send them ?

RORSCHACH: Anywhere but at Patty and Selma's place !

RALPH: Okay.

**Moe's tavern**

The cockroaches appears suddenly in the the tavern.

MOE: Oh Geez, just when I had finally got rid of the rats !

**The Simpsons' living-room**

HOMER: Are... are they all gone ?

LISA: Yes Dad, you can open your eyes.

BART: And get off the couch, it's cracking !

HOMER (muttering): Er Walter, I think you owe this weird kid something.

RORSCHACH: Hurm ? Oh yes. (to Ralph) They all lived happily ever after, satisfied ?

RALPH: Do you know any other story about elves ?

RORSCHACH: No !

RALPH: Lisa, you wanna come with me ?

LISA: Ralph...

BART: Come on Liz, he got us rid of the cockroaches and therefore of our aunts.

LISA: Okay, just for once, but no telepor...

They both teleport before she can end her sentence.

HOMER: Okay, now let's take care of the precious money !

RORSCHACH: You mean dirty money ?

HOMER: I know, I thought about it and I solved the problem.

**The bathroom**

RORSCHACH: So you hid the money in the bathroom ?

HOMER: Clever, eh ? The only place you never get in !

BART: Except when Mum forced you to take a shower (he notices Rorschach is glaring at him). And let's never speak of it again. So, where's the money, Dad ?

HOMER: Here Bart (he comes near the bathtub and open the curtains of the bathtub, revealing the bank-bills floating inside). See, they're not dirty anymore, I even put some bleach in it to make it whiter.

He takes off a bank-bill white as a paper-sheet and waves it under Bart and Rorschach's noses.

RORSCHACH: Hurm, gotta admit it, Homer. The money is definitely clean now.

BART: You idiot, we can't use the money anymore now ! I'm out of here, if somebody asks me I'm with Milhouse.

He leaves.

HOMER: D'Oh ! The boy's right ! (noticing Rorschach is about to open the door). Hey, you're not listening ! Where are you going !

RORSCHACH: Getting rid of the wicked-sisters.

HOMER (enthusiastically): Can I help you ?

Rorschach just shrugs.

**Somewhere in Springfield**

Lisa and Ralph appears somewhere.

LISA: … portation. Where the hell did you drag me in, Ralph ? That's it, I'm going home. (to herself) Well, when I'll find my way of course.

She walks away but she feels her dress is held by something, thus keeping her from going any further.

LISA: Ralph ! Let it go ! How many many time will I have to repeat it ? I don't want... (she looks back and sees a cute little pony holding her dress) a pony ! (she looks up at the pony; in awe, an sees Ralph on the pony)

RALPH: I'm on a dolphin. And look: more dolphins.

LISA: You mean... other ponies ? Aaaaw ! They're adorable ! Wait, all these cute little ponies ? I know where we are: this is the new Cute Little Ponies Ranch (she points at a sign with mostly pink, cute little flowers, cute little rainbow and many other decorative items all around so cutesy that it would make you sick... but let's go back to the story, shall we ?). But it's supposed to open in three day's only.

RALPH: I heard you say you couldn't wait to go there.

LISA: And you did all that for me, Ralph ? That's so adorable. (she tries to jump on pony but is unable to do that). Oh no, I'm in the Cute Little Pony's Ranch and I can't even ride them. Hey !

Ralph just teleported her on the pony.

LISA (mute for a minute): Er... thanks. But you could have helped me to ride without teleportation, don't you think ?

RALPH: Nope.

Lisa shrugs and decides to just enjoy the ride in the ranch.

**THE SIMPSONS' HOUSE**

We see Homer and Rorschach throwing Patty and Selma out, literally.

PATTY: Hey ! I think we had luggage !

SELMA: Yeah !

The door opens briefly and they received their luggage right in the face and fall.

HOMER (after closing the door): Ah, ah, in your face !

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Gotta admit it was a nice shot, Homer.

HOMER: The result of years of bowling, you were pretty good too (he stretches himself out and seems happy). _Yawwwn !_ Now this house is cleaned of any unwanted guess !

Somebody knocks at the door, Homer opens.

ABRAHAM: Hi son ! The hospice has burnt, can I come in your place ?

He slams the door at his father's face.

RORSCHACH: You left out your own father ?

HOMER: He's an old geezer.

RORSCHACH (opening the door): Lucky enough to have a father and you let him out. Unbelievable.

ABRAHAM (behind the door): Hello ? Can I come in ?

RORSCHACH: Sure.

ABRAHAM: Thank you, I hope I don't disturb.

RORSCHACH: Course not. Right, Homer ?

HOMER (with a forced smile): Suuure (to himself, when Rorschach is gone). Stupid comic-book character looking for some cheap substitute-father !

RORSCHACH: You were saying ?

HOMER: Er...

They hear someone knocking at the door.

RORSCHACH: Another relative you don't care about ? (he opens and sees a smiling Lisa) Yes.

HOMER: Hey ! I care a lot about my youngest kid !

RORSCHACH: Your youngest kid is Maggie.

HOMER: I care and I'll prove it right now. Where have you been sweety ?

LISA: I was with Ralph and it was the most wonderful time of my life !

She walks away humming and dancing.

RORSCHACH: Not worry about your daughter saying she had a "wonderful time" with a boy ?

HOMER: Oh p - lease ! It's Ralph we're talking about, remember ?

RORSCHACH: Hurm. True.

**IN SPRINGFIELD'S STREETS**

We see Rorschach as Pie-Man raising a pie as he approaches a

HOMER (as Pie-Man): Fear the Pie-Man, evil doer !

GANGSTER (raising a gun): Fear the gun, fatso !

HOMER (he left the pie go): _Arg !_

GANGSTER: Any last word ?

HOMER: Er... Er... Oh, hi pal !

GANGSTER: You're calling me pal ?

HOMER: No, I was talking to him.

GANGSTER (turning his head to the the direction pointed by Homer): Who... ? Hey... MUUuuuumMM !

RORSCHACH (who's approached the gangster and is now holding the pie Homer let go against the man's face): Eat that !

GANGSTER: Death by apple-pie... best death... ever.

And he falls dead, no he was unconscious, don't worry, but the protagonist don't have to know.

HOMER: Hey ! The pie is my stuff, you already got the finger-thing !

RORSCHACH: Forgot what I said about coming in patrol with me, Homer ?

HOMER: Hey, I wasn't patrolling with you !

RORSCHACH: Don't care. I don't want you to go on patrol, could get killed easily.

Suddenly they see Milhouse running away from something.

MILHOUSE: _AAAAAAAH !_ Help meeeeee !

He runs into Rorschach and falls.

MILHOUSE (looking at Rorschach in awe): _WOW ! _Now that's a costume ! How did you make the inkblots move, sir ?

BART (arriving): Milhouse, come on ! A superhero afraid of a mouse ! (he notices Rorschach) _Eeep !_

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Bart, what are you doing here ? And who's this kid ?

BART: Milhouse, my best friend. He was Nite Owl in the watchkids. We were just like you and the real Nite Owl. Just take a look.

He shows him a book with pictures of him and Milhouse back in their heroes' days: we can see Bart dragging Milhouse by his cape, Bart using him as a human-shield when fighting Jimbo and Bart thumbing at a badly injured Milhouse because he broke his fall as he's sitting on top of him.

RORSCHACH: Hurm, never treated Daniel that way ... Is he wearing a pajamas under his cape ?

MILHOUSE (wearing Nite Owl's cape and mask over a pajamas with little elves): Er... My Mum washed the rest of the costume after I stained it with jelly. And Bart, after breaking literally through my window and eating all my candy, asked me if I wanted to go on patrol with him and here I am.

RORSCHACH: You break into your friend's property and steal his food ? Despicable.

BART (sighing): I won't even stresses how hypocrite you're being Rorschach. Oh no, wait, I just did !

MILHOUSE: This is the real Rorschach ? Cool ! You're so lucky to have to have a superhero in your house, Bart ! Oh, and don't worry sir, your secret is safe with me. I'm too afraid of you after all the horrible things I saw you doing in the movie.

RORSCHACH: You better be. Hurm, surprises me Lisa hasn't showed up so far.

BART: I asked her if she wanted to come but she said she had homework to do, choosing homework over vigilantism, can you believe it ?

MILHOUSE: You mean I was not your first choice ?

BART: Yes, and you weren't Lisa's first choice either: she's passed the entire day with Ralph.

MILHOUSE (beginning to cry): WHAT ! That's so unfair ! I wanna go home and see my Mummy !

RORSCHACH (as he grabs the two boys by their collars): As you wish. We're going home.

**THE SIMPSONS' LIVING-ROOM**

Rorschach, Homer, Bart and Milhouse, still in costumes, just came back from the basement.

RORSCHACH: Next time I find you following me, you'll be on your own. Won't lose another chance to find out more about Burn's plan because of you !

HOMER: Oh, listen, how many times will I have to apologize ?

RORSCHACH: Don't apologize, just don't come back. The same goes for you, kids.

MILHOUSE: Yes sir.

BART: Hey, Lisa and I saved you last time, remember ?

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Just lucky, wouldn't have needed any help if your father hadn't ruined everything anyway. Moreover, not careful leaving home together like that, someone might find out about us one day or...

He opens the basement's door and finds himself face to face with Abe .

ABRAHAM: _AAAAAAAH !_

RORSCHACH: … another.

ABRAHAM: Get the hell out of here, you filthy burglars or you'll regret it !

BART: Calm down grandpa, it's me, Bart ! Take off your mask everyone.

They all do so, except Rorschach of course.

ABRAHAM: Oh, it's you. (seeing Rorschach) _AAAAAAAH ! _A burglar ! I'll blow your head off !

BART: Grandpa, it's just a hairdryer.

ABRAHAM: Uh... Well, I can still knock him off with it ! (he hits Rorschach, who doesn't react, with the hairdryer and shows himself incredibly weak: he doesn't even succeed to touch him) Take that ! And that ! And that !

BART: That's embarrassing. Hey, you don't seem mad. Why ?

RORSCHACH: Why should I ? He can't even reach me. It's just pitiful.

BART (sighs): Grandpa, stop embarrassing yourself. That's us.

HOMER: Can't you just take off your mask ?

RORSCHACH: No.

BART: Aw, come on ! With the senility he'll forget everything in the morning.

ABRAHAM (to his family): Who the hell are you ?

RORSCHACH: Hurm. Maybe you're right

He takes off his mask.

ABRAHAM: Who the hell are you ?

RORSCHACH: You don't remember ?

ABRAHAM: Remember what ?

RORSCHACH: I left you in this morning.

ABRAHAM: Oh yes, I remember... It was back in 1929, the economy was perfectly well, and Charlie Chaplin was the ruler of Germany...

HOMER: That's it, I'm out of here. See you tomorrow everyone !

He goes upstairs.

BART: Er... gotta get Milhouse back home, bye !

The boys run away and close the door.

ABRAHAM (moaning after sitting on the sofa next to Rorschach): Aw. Nobody listen to me in this family ! Does it bother you if I talk ?

RORSCHACH: Talk if you want, staying here anyway.

ABRAHAM: Really ? That's great ! Where was I ? Oh yes, then Hitler seized power in Germany after forcing his twin brother Charlie Chaplin to wear an iron mask, thus starting World War II...

A look at the clock: Abe has begun to talk: it is 4 a.m.

A second look at the clock, it is 5:30 a.m. Abe is still talking and Rorschach looks bored and sleepy.

ABRAHAM: … And that's how I've briefly been the king of the Morlocks, brave fellas, not like these melonheads we have nowadays. Wow, you're the first person I've met who's listened to me that long since many many years ! Wanna hear how I almost killed Hitler while disguised as Marlene Dietrich in a cabaret ?

RORSCHACH (sleepy): Hurm ?... Thought you passed World War II in an elite-squadron scalping nazis. The Hellfishes or something.

ABRAHAM: _Whut ?_ Well, I did lots of things during the war. And after. You see, I was send on a mission to take back the statue of our town-founding-father, Jebediah Springfield from the Reds and...

RORSCHACH: Wait (he takes his mask and puts it on). Go on.

Rorschach is now snoring but Abraham doesn't notice and keeps talking.

**THE SIMPSONS' HOUSE, LATER IN THE MORNING**

ABRAHAM: … And that's how I won World War III against the giant squid space invader sent by the Reds.

He then falls asleep and begins to snore.

The Simpsons family looks at the two of them sleeping.

MARGE: Oh look, they're still asleep. It's nice to see someone spending some time with grandpa.

HOMER: Yeah, as long as it's not me !


End file.
